so long sweet summer, so long sweet slumber

I love you, dear blogspot. But you've become fat and ugly, and I simply can not stand your crusty liver spots any longer. It's you, not me. I hope we can still be fuckbuddies.

ilovemyizzy.tumblr.com
ilovemyizzy.tumblr.com
ilovemyizzy.tumblr.com

the days are running shorter by the hour

TRIP DUH FUCK OUT:



I've literally spent the past three days in a row tolerating Jeff F. I don't know how much more I can take ;) He came over for a Disney movie night on Sunday, and we watched the cinematic geniuses of Haunted Mansion and Hercules. Monday, spent the morning at SeaWorld with Julianne and got the worst sunburn of my life. Got home around 5pm, went over to Jeff's house to meet the madre at 7pm, and stayed until 10pm watching "Teeth". Today, after registration at Rosary (CAPTAIN, NOSTALGIA HAS FINALLY LANDED), had lunch at Brownstone Cafe with . . . Jeff! Surprise, surprise. We'd attempted to score some yummy Italian waffles at Rialto Cafe, but they were closed :( After Brownstone, made a quick trip to Lollicup so Jeff could get his Milk Tea Boba fix. Then off to some random park where we spent five minutes wasting life, then finally his house where we watched "Wanted". Stayed until 6pm then driving school. While I was at AAA, Jeff took Julianne shopping and pretty much failed at life after getting bitched at by my mom for keeping her out too late. Ha.



Scott Lee, you are a smelly bigfoot's dick for not calling me all these months. I know you're in Korea and all, but can a brotha get a long-distance phone!? Come back already so we can go crash some fucken church retreats, woot woot!



Hello, my name is Izzy; and I'm addicted to FML.

FOR HECTOR MANNY KEKOA CASAS (because I luhh the kid):

"Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML"

and they all want to fuck the cause

Hello, hello, hello. Busy morning, busy day, busy evening, super-kinda-really "busy" night ;) Bought my school uniform from Huntington today, then went to X&Y and got a fringe vest & cute little graphic tee. Sat at home for awhile waiting for everyone to get home, then went to buy my new (bright yellow!) backpack, and then Mr. Jeff Eff came over for a late-night moviefest (tonight's specials included Disney's Haunted Mansion and Hercules). Theennn he left to go home / hang out with Vanessa / huh?. But anyway, shit made my night:



Jennifer's Body is coming out soon, and the only reason I'm really super excited is because it's scripted by my favorite writer / journalist / producer / scriptwriter / columnist ever: DIABLO CODY. She also happens to be the mastermind behind Juno, which in my book is major brownie points when it comes to movie successes.



So dis beezy right hurrr (serenading me with "Bones" by the Killers) . . .



. . . just promised me he'd go to HARD Haunted Mansion with me no matter what, so I'm holding him to that. We're gonna try and get a certain Tahitian dancer to come as well, but her people tell my people that she's ridiculously busy lately, so hopefully her schedule'll clear up a bit by Halloweeeeen. But no matter what, he has to go for the sake of not getting his ass kicked in thumb wrestling. Sucka!

EXTENDED ADDITIONS:
Haream Hyun likes what what in the butt?
Michelle Nanoff needs to settle the fuck down!
And HANNAH TRIAS is, er...
"I'm in serious . . .
I'm very distraught
and THEN i bought this today... it's a makeup bag but i was like hell no it'll be my pencil case and i love it
Yes I know, but my backpack... i dunno you know? AHHH wow this is the only exciting thing in my life how sad."
Oh, Trias, how you amuse me so.

THE BE-RITES

izzyvuuu: sooooo i think
YOU SHOULD KEEP THE BACKPACK!
hannahtrias: haha mark thinks so..
alright
if ppl make fun of me YOU STAND UP FOR ME
and you go wherever i go, because our backpacks are family noww
izzyvuuu: I PROMISE
we'll have to have a family name then.
well you're bright orange
and i'm bright yellow
so hmmmmmm...
hannahtrias: haha your creative you can think of that
izzyvuuu: THE BE-RITES!
bright
b-right?
hannahtrias: I LIKE IT
izzyvuuu: and whoever makes fun of us
for having orangeade and banana backpacks
be wronnngggggg! :D
hannahtrias: Hahahaha alright



izzyvuuu: i wonder who else can be apart of our be-rite family
hmmm...
who has a brightass backpack!?
hannahtrias: I DON'T KNOW
izzyvuuu: we shall seeeeeee!

a coma might feel better than this

You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me, and that's what made me see where I was going wrong. You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself. I can only blame myself; you can only blame me. And I could write a song a hundred miles long. Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me. And I could write it down or spread it all around, get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea. You put me on a line and hung me out to dry, and darling that's when I decided to go to sea. You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes, made me realize what I could not see. And I could write a book, the one they'll say that shook the world, and then it took it back from me. The streets you're walking on, a thousand houses long. Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me. Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give, forget but not forgive, not loving all you see? You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea. Yeah, you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea.



You're all that matters to me.
Stop worrying about the things that don't.
The past will tear us apart.

and it starts sometime around midnight

Week's been okay, nothing amazing. Went to pick up Banksy from the Long Beach Airport last Wednesday. Then drove to like four bajillion cities in eight hours. Highlight included the beach (!), Frosted Cupcakery, and Bella Terra (Islands' cheese fries yummm) in Huntington.

















Then Speedzone on Thursday. The things I do for thiisss boy, racing and running and all this ish. But he tried and FAILED (miserably) at DDR for me, so I guess we're even. And in case you were wondering, he lost by over 20,000 POINTS. MUAHA.



Yay Jeff made a Facebook! Yay Haream made a Facebook! Yay Josh made a blog! Fuck everyone's making something. What should I make?

painted faces fill the places i can't reach

Friggin' Jeff hacking my account >.< Here's your shout out, babyboy: I MISS YOU, Jeff R. Fernandez, and the supah sexy winks you give me when I surprise you with cute little presents.

So it's beeeeen awhile, dear blogspot. Not much has happened since the last post. San Diego road trip avec Monsieur Geph and my parents went really well; art show was tight and dinner wasn't as awkward as I'd anticipated (except when Jeff displayed his neverending stomach's ability to eat everything and made everyone wait while he finished up). Then back to my casa for a movie night.

Finally met Jeff's BFF Vanessa and her BF Tyler. Raced around trying to find an impossible dentist, then spent the rest of the day at the Irvine Spectrum. Had dinner at my house then group movie night with the Notebook. Vanessa's so cuuuuutte (: She reminds me of Little Steph from Rosary last year, except younger and less extreme haha. And Tyler's younger than her! Which makes me feel not as bad about Jeff and my difference...kinda.



Can't quite remember much of what else has happened, so the rest I'll just spill in bits and pieces. I'm saving up big time to see Kings of Leon at the Viejas Arena on August 21st. Missed Rock the Bells because seat tickets were sold out :( But went shopping yesterday with Jeff and found my soulmate skirt at American Vintage. Oh, and this cute little oriental dress that makes my tummy bust out all over the place kinda, so I'm just gonna starve for a few days to fit into it haha. Finally saw (500) Days of Summer at the Block, and it was yummy and we loved it and pretty much Jeff secretly considers it the cutest movie we've ever seen. On Wednesday, he took me to this cute little spot on Beach that he won't tell me the name of, and we took a bajillion pictures together finally.











So I need to hang out with the amazing Miss LYNN VU soon. Mostly because we have the same awesome last name and, come on, who wouldn't love their last-name twin? (:

P.S. 11:11pm; MAKE A WISH.

i <3

jeff's _ _ _ _

MASS BLOG UPDATE

Ahh! Haven’t blogged in over two weeks. Mass blog update, anyone?



LAST WEEK:
Monday went out to lunch at Brownstone Café with Katrina, Robert, Buddha, and Carter. We all had yummy 3-cheese grilled cheese sammiches with tomato basil soup, except Buddha who ordered salad. Normal lunch conversation, grades and summer school and sex and such. Afterward, Carter drove off to home or someplace, so Katrina dropped off Robert at the bus stop and then she, Buddha, and I went shopping downtown. Buddha left right after we arrived though because she was late for some rendez-vous, so Katrina and I shopped for about half an hour and I ended up buying a tribal-print mini-dress from X&Y. Theeennn I went home and just napped for about five hours. Progressive day, might I say.

Monsieur Geph left school early to meet up with me on Tuesday, but Katrina and I had to drop off Mark at home so we were almost a half-hour late. Geph had Ryan to keep him company though so it was no biggie. They’ve been best friends since elementary school ! That’s like a century in best-friend time. Well, at least for me. Katrina and I got there around 1:15 pm, so we chilled with Ryan and Jeff for about half an hour, and then Ryan had to jet off and Katrina went home, so of course I was forced to hang out with Jeff and his baby stick-shift car. We trekked it to Veronese Teahouse (or Café or whatever the eff he wants to call it), and the mood was just all too romantic :) He ordered this ginormous BLT and I had a garden salad with spaghetti. I only barely finished the salad though, and Jeff had to eat almost my entire spaghetti. We paid the creepy waiter and then went to this tiny room in the back and drew love notes for each other and pinned them on the walls with pins that Jeff stole off of other people’s drawings. Then we left and drove to Mt. View Park for our usual routine of talking and staring and laughing and staring and smiling and staring. Oh, and staring. Then he dropped me off at home around 4pm because I had to go see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang later that night avec mon demi-père et ma soeur. I slept through half of Act I, but Act II was much too riveting to miss. Flying car, Bulgarian vulgarity, sinister child catcher, ahh! choreography, yummy costumes—who could resist? The show ended after almost two hours, and I got home around 10pm and went straight to bed.



Summa schoo’ ended on Wednesday! I must admit, I’ll miss Monsieur Confer and his adorable mannerisms. Thank Schmod the final wasn’t too long. It only took me about forty-five minutes, and I aced every single extra credit question, so I’m pretty sure I’ll pass the class. After the final, Ryan, Bre, Jake, Robert, Katrina and I went to Katrina’s car to get our toke on, but we had to drive off for a little so the whole thing wouldn’t be toooo sketchy. We parked in a bend near Acacia Park and almost started when all of these cars start driving by, so everyone’s like, “Let’s move, let’s mooovveee!” so Katrina does a crazy U-turn and almost slams into another car rounding the bend and we’re all like, “Shit, imagine what would’ve gone down if we had crashed and had all this shit on us.” I would’ve chucked it out the window, to be honest. So we drive into the neighborhoods and just park in front of some random house. Then we schmoke ourselves schtupid and speed back to class, but I had crazy giggles so I try to calm myself while we’re walking to class, but it didn’t help that Bre was making faces and giggling her ass off. Not to mention, everyone was already inside and we were over five minutes late. So then we walk in and Monsieur Confer looks straight at me and says: “Where. Were. You.” And what do I do? I space the fuck out and start fiddling with my stuff on the floor. So Jake saves my ass and is like, “Oh, we were just in the parking lot.” But I guess Confer wasn’t satisfied with that answer because he’s like, “Dizzy! Where were you?” So I have to look up and it was all I could do to not bust out giggling or blink at a thousand miles per hour while I told him as calmly as I could that we were just kicken it in the parking lot. So then he’s like, “Okaaaayyy, so pretty much all of you guys are free to go, but if you want to know your grade, come up and I’ll tell you.” So then everyone starts getting up to go see their grades, but I freak the fuck out because I keep thinking ohmygodheknowsheknowsheknows!! …..so I don’t even go up to hear my final grade. Ridiculous, I know. Then after school, pretty much everyone but Madeleine goes to Chipotle for a final goodbye lunch. In all honesty, I’m not too sad that she didn’t come because then she would’ve heard all the shit we were all talking on her, and that’s just way too much for anyone to bear. Poor baby :( So when we get to Chipotle, Katrina realizes she can’t park for shit and takes almost twenty minutes to pull into a huge parking space. Ryan, Eric, Jake, and Bre are in the car next to us laughing their asses off, and after about thirty tries, they end up speeding off to another parking spot to avoid any possible collisions with the all-too-faded Miss Katrina. We finally get into Chipotle and eat our hearts out. Munchies yummm<3 Then after lunch, Nishita leaves with Shine, Eric, and Bre, so Robert, Jake, and Ryan come with Katrina and I to continue our previous engagements. We drive to the spot on Raymond hill and stay for about an hour and a half. Ryan and I had a good talk over stoges. I’ve decided I’ll miss him and no matter what we’re hanging out this summer. Caaannn yooouu saayy HARD SUMMER ? So then Katrina and I drop Ryan off and he takes Jake and Robert. Katrina had to go home, so Jeff comes to Chipotle and we race off to Mt. View Park. Again. More talking, smiling, giggling, and staring. Then he drove me home and I napped napped napped.



Said hello to Thursday morning with a 6:00am yoga session. Then off to Servite for my first day of Geometry. There were only Servite and Rosary people in my class though, so none of that awkward first-day uhhhhwhoyoubeee tension. I’m truly madly deeply livid about the stupid dress code. I mean, no sandals or v-necks? Really? Ri-mothereffin-diculous. Finished school at 12:45pm and called Jeff, but he couldn’t leave early because of his final so Matt took me home and I got ready for Jeff to come over. He got to my house around 2pm and we chilled for about two and a half hours until he had to leave. At dinner, my parents freaked the fuck out because I finally told them that Chelsea (whom I’m planning my birthday bonfire with) is from FUHS, and they pretty much completely vetoed my birthday bonfire plans because she happens to attend the school I got kicked out of and they’re scared she and I are going to invite a fuckload of Fullerton people and get drunk and stoned and shoot up heroin and just have crazy ‘70s free-love sex or some shit. I fought with them for a full hour, cried for almost two, and then called Jeff and asked for his advice and he said to just tell Chelsea, so I compromised with my mom and she said it’s not Chelsea that she’s worried about, it’s just everyone from Fullerton that I used to hang out with. So we settled on a simple dinner party at my favorite favorite schmavorite restaurant (Taluja Grill in Irvine) with a few of my close friends (Chelsea included), maybe beach afterward, and then off to Visual Pollution, my stepbrother’s urban graffiti art show / hip-hop showcase near San Diego. I need to call Daniel soon to see if he’s still down to come to the art show. We haven’t seen each other for over a month and I really do miss him :( I haven’t had a chance to call Chelsea yet either since I’m still on grounding for lying about hanging out with Jeff, so I guess I’ll just have to wait until Monday to break the news :/

Friday woke up way too early for way too much of nothing. Julianne’s water polo practice was supposed to be at 8am and since it’s in the opposite direction of Servite, I was supposed to be awake and ready earlier than usual so we wouldn’t be late. But her practice ended up not being until 12pm (fuckup on mom’s part), so I only had six hours of sleep when I could’ve had more :( Then went to school looking, smelling, and feeling like shit. Well not really but that’s what it felt like. So Katrina and I had plans for her to come over and meet the parents so they could get to know her, but I guess she’s mad at me for some reason because during break, when Saad and I asked her to come have a stoge with us, she kinda sorta blew us off and was like nahi’mchill and just walked away. What the shit did I do? I tried to call/text her later on but she never picked up or called me back. Hmmph. So since my plans were shot for after school, I called Monsieur Geph and he was at Servite by 12:40pm<3 We drove to Lollicup for yucky Milk Tea Boba, and he wanted to stay until we had another awkward run-in with another awkward ex, but I practically dragged him out of there and we drove to the Buena Park Mall to see Brüno. Our plans didn’t turn out so well, so we just went to Mt. View Park to kill time. We thoroughly established that two guys hanging out at a park together can’t possibly be straight, and apparently I’m a cruel person for laughing at funky-looking old men who talk to their girlfriends over the phone at parks. After about a half hour, we ended up back at my house. He stayed for about four hours. Fun fun ;)

Saturday. Not much. Woke up early for the annual Brookdale Block Sale and didn’t sell shiiittt. Quite bummed, I’ll admit. But I ended up donating all of the clothing I had sorted out the night before to St. Jude’s, so my closet is almost half empty but at least it was for a good cause :) Then went out to Koba Tofu Grill for dinner with ma mère et Julianne. Got home around 8:30pm and wasted life on OMGPOP for about two hours. Another progressive day? I vote yes.



Woke up on Sunday around noon, ate breakfast for an hour while reading the morning paper (Vampire Weekend live in two months!), bruffed my teef and took a shower, then went back to sleep. Went to my first Alateen meeting later that night (it’s an organization for relatives or friends of alcoholics, i.e. ma mére). Keywords to describe my mood: awkward, tense, uncomfortable, overall NOT into it whatsoever.

THIS WEEK:
Monday. Not much. Coach Lamonda decided to put me on Independent Study since I have a 104.7% in the class, so now I only have to go to summer school three days a week for one hour. Jeff came over after school after a whole weekend of not talking at all. Stayed for four hours then left. Forgot what I did for the rest of the day.

Got my teeth whitened for the fourth time in three years on Tuesday. The dentist’s assistant didn’t seal my gums all the way, so some of the bleach leaked through and completely killed my nerves. I had to deal with sensitive gum shocks for over 24 hours, and the ibuprofen didn’t help at all. I’m never getting my teeth whitened ever again :(

Oh, Wednesday. How I regret you so. So I left school early to see Jeff, and he ditched his classes to come pick me up. We went to Mt. View Park for a bit, then he drove me back to Servite to get picked up my mom. After she dropped me off at home, he came to my house and snuck in through the back. Brought Lollicup for Julianne :) Stayed for a little over four hours then made an (almost) clean escape….except my neighbors caught him ON CAMERA leaving the side of my house…..and decided to tell my stepfather later that night. My mom threw a bitchfit when she found out, pretty much told me it’s over, and threatened to take my birthday, car, and presents away. I freaked (of course) and went into overdrive, backpedaling everything I had been saying and pretty much sucking ass for a good thirty minutes. I guess it worked because she didn’t seem as mad afterward, but she’s still being a bitch about everything and it’s annoying the fuck out of me.



I turned SEVENTEEN on Thursday! Julianne gave me the Ting Tings’ “We Started Nothing” and I can’t take it off repeat. But finallyyy, I won’t be the baby out of everybody anymore! But in the words of Monsieur Jeff: “Nah, you’ll just be a bigger baby.” Hmmph :( Speaking of the wonderfully original Jeff, he showed up at my house at exactly 6:11am to drop off a cutesy bouquet of pink Precambrian Orchids with creative little cards, and a massive red velvet birthday cake; and when I say “massive”, I mean MASSIVE. I’m talkin’ twelve inches thick, the size of a medium-sized sitting stool, with more cheesecake frosting than cake batter. I brought it to school to share with friendsies, and everyone went gaga over it :) Too bad my parents were still mad about Wednesday and wouldn’t let me see him. At least they agreed to him coming to Visual Pollution with us on Saturday. It’s a two-hour drive to San Diego, so I’ll have to stock up on snacks and jazzy jams to make the trip bearable ;)

More on the road trip in my next post. Stay tuned, folks.

always one foot on the ground

I'm groggy, schmoggy, hoggy, and bloggy. Slept for about ten hours last night after ending a ten-hour converschmation at 3am with Monsieur Geph. We played about 469 rounds of Balloono and whooooo's a cheater? Heeee's a cheater ! But I won about...oh, two times, so it's fiinnee.



Chemistry project due tomorrow. I'm lighting magnesium on fire :D Hopefully Madeleine's hair'll catch on fire and she'll melt like the Witch of Oz :)

Re-bought Phoenix's Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix yesterday because "Fences" was all fucked-up on the first one I bought. I want to get Matt & Kim's Grand as well. I'm in love with "Daylight" :]



So I'm going hoomme today from Dad's house and, to be honest, I really don't want to leave :( Everything's really laidback here, even if it's "like a fortress". I think I'm going back to sleep until we have to leave. Still dead tired.

but i'll only ever be a middle distance runner

It's 11:30pm and I've been on the phone with Monsieur Geph for over six and a half hours. We've resorted to OMGPOP Games and he keeps cheating :( Jealous he can't sing like this superstar:



"Tuts mah barreh."

UPDATE (07/05/09 12:43pm): Finally got off the phone at 3 IN THE MORNING. Yes, that implies nine hours or conversing and playing OMGPOP with Sir Jeff. Waste of a July 4th? I beg to differ :)

my words will be your light

Stumbled across this cute little vid:



So I've been home alone for the past two nights for almost seven hours each, and it's amazing I haven't busted any missions out windows or through chimneys. Trying to hang out with Jeff F. tonight, but it's such a bust that I'm not even sure it'll work out :/ If not this weekend, there's always Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or whenever. But if we don't hang this weekend, I have to put him on my heroes to make up for it.

Talked to Daniel for awhile last night. I feel bad because I haven't been calling him as much as I used to, but honestly after I found out about the whole "switch" shit, things between us haven't been the same. He's chill in so many ways, but I can't really handle sometimes. I promised I'd call today so I willllllll.



Rock the Bells is soon. Each day makes me more sad because I was supposed to take Jackie for her birthday, but now we don't talk anymore so nostalgia sets in ever time I think of the festival. I think I'll call her up soon to mend things. No matter how much I deny it, I miss her.

dancing in the moonlight

On the phone with Jeff F. He's a dick.

His philosophy on life:

wake up and smell the sunshine

I AM SO CONFUSED.
Nevereverever in my life have I ever been more conflicted about a "like" issue, and to be honest I'd rather just stay single at this point if this is what I have to go through. When the eff did decisions get so hard to make !? Too bad my heart is telling me to keep at it and put this above the rest. This is ridiculous.

Received my SAT scores in the mail today: 2050. Not my best, I'll admit, but I can still get into whatever college with these suckers. I'm taking it again in August for the third time. FML.

Going schmopping on Monday with Katrinarina. I'm taking her to American Vintage, then probably my spiffy little shop on Harbor :) She's like one of my closest friends these days. I know it's so random, but I honestly wish I had known her a little better during the year. The chick is so cooooooool :] And we can relate on all of the same boy issues haha. Thank Schmod she's taking classes at Servite for second session! I won't be alone to deal with all of the bullshit that comes with just being at Servite. Woo.

Currently making Jeff F. his mixtape. I started out with like ten songs, and now there's over forty haha. I guess I'll be making three ? Agh.

what a manner to act like a heart attack

This week has been hectic, but my strep throat finally went away! I am no longer Contagious Carla, so it's all good for me to mingle with society again without being treated like a leper :]

Finally met Jeff F. yesterday after, what, five failed attempts at hanging out? Katrina and I waited almost an hour and a half for him at Starbucks, then he arrived and Kat had to go so Jeff and I trekked it downtown to BTNC. It was super duper fluper hot so we walked for awhile then decided to jam out to Lollicup; and guess who we happen to run into there ? ....Aaron and Nick. I'm like, "Let's leeaavve let's leeavvvee!" And this fool's over here drinking his boba at snail speed, watching me get more and more uncomfortable. I hate Jeff :( So then finally, after what seemed like four hours of sitting in awkward tension, he finally finishes his Milk Tea Boba and we book it to this really pretty park on Bastanchury. We sat on this little patch of grass and talked about the most random things, like how he once had to waltz to this old lady's violin-playing. I was trying to focus on our conversation but the grass and the ants and the sexy old man behind us were way too distracting, so we finally left and went back to my house. But also because my mom called in a bitchfit haha. Then got home, and my mind went into overdrive like "HmmmshouldIorshouldn'tI!?" But I decided I shouldn't because there's always the second date ;)

So Victoria's coming back on Wednesday! ...For Aaron's birthday ? But I'm just really excited that she's coming back early, period. And then my birthday's in less than TWO WEEKS !! I really want to celebrate it with Chels M. because she seems so chill to kick it with, but I haven't heard back from her so idk what I'm gonna end up doing. But yay, I'll finally be seventeen :D



Coldplay in sixteen days! Who's excited!? I AM.

sit back and wave through the daylight

I like someone(s) ?
Hmm.

a spider web and it's me in the middle

I got a yob I got a yob I got a yooobbbb! But I don't start working full hours until July, when I turn 17. Until then, I have to come in for training like how to work the cash register or how to convince customers to buy shit? Idk sounds pretty simple to me but I guess you need training for that. But hey, I still get paid! $8.80 per hour plus a 40% employee discount :]

Sooo it's 8 in the morning and I'm currently in La Habra at Meeeeshell's house on her green little bed. We might go to Club Dance tonight but I don't know anymore since Ana got in trouble and now we have no ride :( It'd be easy to find another one but now I have no urge to go. Plus, I don't want to roll tonight because EDC's less then two weeks away. Argghhhhhhhhhhh.



The Killers are playing at the Hollywood Bowl in September ! I'm gonna camp out for tickets if that's what it takes to go <3

through the storms and the light

I'm sitting in some ballroom at some hotel in Santa Ana, watching my padre DJ some gig for a Sweet Sixteen Party. Or at least he's SUPPOSED to be DJing . . . I've been left manning the table for like two fucken hours already. This is bullshit.

So I applied for this job at this little boutique in downtown Fullerton. I really hope it works out because my funds are going quiiick with EDC and Rock the Bells and HARD and Club Dance and just all the shit that comes with summer :(

There's some electro club in Fullerton tmrw night. I'm thinking maybeeeee? Get mah shuffle on like these bishes:

far more than we can take

Last days of finals tmrw :) I'll probably call Victoria tonight to make plans for tomorrow. I haven't seen that girl in months, and I miss miss miss miss her.



SAT took four hours Saturday morning! But I met some girl named Jazmin from Esperanza and apparently she knows everyone I know there, so at least I wasn't a complete loner the entire time. There was this annoying scene kid in the back who kept making bird noises during the test though; it was so fucken irritating because the proctor kept stopping the test to see who it was, and since she never found out it was him, we just wasted a shitload of test time for no reason. I got home around 2:30pm and knocked out; woke-up at 4pm to make plans. Haream was in town! With Valley Connor to mix at Tiana's thing :) So Bree picked me up at 6:30pm and we got to Yorba Linda around 7pm, but I wrote the wrong house number down on my wrist so we couldn't find the house. Then we drove all the way back to Fullerton to pick up retard Christian and Michael (for a $15 Coldstone giftcard and bud ahaha), then drove baaack to Tiana's and pulled in right behind Connor and Robby and all them. I hadn't planned on drinking, but after a swig of Amanda's Grey Goose, Brayden's Captain Morgan, and three or four beers, I was a gonerrrrrrrrr. Aaand I'm really disappointed in myself because I smoked almost an entire pack of stoges alone, and that was after staying stoge-free for over two months :( The party was chill overall, but the cops coming early was such a bust. I stayed for almost three hours, but I left because I was really bothered over something and it was ruining my entire night. After Tiana's, Bre, Christian, Michael and I went to Andy Nava's and I almost got in a fight with some ugly chola in the bathroom. It was the cherry on top of an already crappy night.

Stayed home all of Sunday to study for finals, but ended up spending most of that time sleeping, eating, and gabbing on the phone. Haream and I had the most overdramatic conversation (mostly on my part) about Saturday, and I decided I just need a break from being friends at all because I'm starting to get retarded about the situation. So no more conversations for awhile, or at least until I can get my mind straight.

I completely failed my Chemistry final yesterday; I spent the last three minutes of the exam bubbling in the remaining 84 problems with random answers. Can you spell f-a-i-l-u-r-e? Religion was easy though, so at least I didn't totally suck at that one. Mom picked me up around 11pm to go to the doctor's for my annual checkup, but I ended up getting all sorts of tests just to be safe. We left the doctor's office at 2pm and on the ride home, we got in a huge fight because Dr. Wong had given me like four months' worth of birth control and my mom's all traditional about sex, so she's like blah blah blah no birth control until you're in a committed relationship. She swears like I haven't been looking for one! It's not that easy, especially with all of the guys in my life being so judgmental and shit. It's like she wants me to pop out grandkids already; I've never heard of anything more ridiculous. Whatever, I'm gonna start taking them anyway. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Club Dance Dance Dance Traaaance next Tuesday! I'm super excited :D

when the worrying starts to hurt

Senior Bubble Party today to celebrate our becoming seniors. Whoo.



Thursday market yesterday—stopped by while shopping with Julianne. We ran into Dillon and Brandon and ended up staying with them for most of Market, watching them skate. I talked to Rachel for like a millisecond while she was on top of the parking structure. I thought about going up, but then it was like nahhh what's the point. I called Christian later on though and he told me he looked for me when he'd heard Rachel had seen me, and I felt like I should've gone up anyway because I hadn't seen those kids in weeks.

I talked to my mom this morning, and we both decided that if I stay in tonight to prep for tomorrow's SAT, I can stay out all night on Saturday. That'd be perfect if the GITD party follows through, and even if it doesn't, I still have Illuminate to look forward to :) I still have to hit up Jamie and see if she wants to come to Tiana's. I was talking to Victoria last night when the photoshoot came up, and I decided I really want to do my photoshoot with Jamie. I can't call her though because her phone only has texting, and it'd be beyond awkward for me to call Brandi or Kurt to reach her, so I just asked Victoria to talk to her for me. I hope she'll have time sometime soon.

It's between Tiana's and Illuminate at this point. I mean, the Hudson! How could I pass that up? But I know Haream's gonna be mixing with Connor, and that kid hasn't been down since forever. We talked about it last night, and I told him I might just go to Illuminate instead. It was like wtf so I just asked him to come with me. He said he'd be down to go since he and his friend Michael (a.k.a. the Valley Connor) are splitting driving time from the Valley down to Fullerton, so I have to call him tonight and decide what we want to do. I still think Tiana's would be a better idea because there are gonna be a million raves from now until next year, and I know how rarely he comes down to Fullerton to see everyone. But at the same time, there's gonna be a billion more parties to mix.

Scott called me last night! His number came up and I was just like $#%@^&! I haven't talked to him in months, so it kinda made my night when he called. We only talked for about half an hour though because someone was on the other line, then I had to go eat dinner, then I forgot to call him back :( But I swear I'm gonna make theee hugest effort to see him before he hops on a plane to Korea for the summer. I guess I kinda really do miss last year when Scott, Paul, Lindsay and I were like the Fearsome Foursome. We hung out like everryy fucken weekend; you couldn't find one of us without the others. Things changed so quickly though, and now Scott and I are the only ones who still keep in contact. But it's better to have one than none at all, right?

So I've decided I'm more than relieved that school is over, mostly because I can't fucken stand Rosary. It's such a surprise when I think back, especially since this time last year I was madly in love with the school. I mean, I fucken cried when my mom told me I might have to transfer out. I thought of how it would be to leave Jackie and Lindsay, how I'd have to start all over, and how much I'd miss everyone. Now it's completely different: Jackie and Lindsay aren't even in my life anymore, all I want is a fresh start, and I don't even know what to think about everyone or what everyone thinks about me. I just wish the thought of Rosary and everyone in it didn't make me sick to my stomach, but I guess I did this to myself. I mean, I chose to coop myself up in the lab everyday rather than going down to the table and making an effort to be social. I chose to be a bitch and lose all of my close friends, and I chose to continue being a bitch and pushing all of my other friends away. I only have myself to blame. Next year will be bettter, I swear.

where soul meets body

Thursday. Not much.

I was lying in bed last night thinking about how quickly the school year's gone by, and I can't believe there's literally only six days of school left. Aside from finals, tomorrow is theee last day of class. I really wish I had done a lot of things differently, but what's the point in crying over spilled milk, right? I guess I'll just do next year waayyy better than this year; no more mixing with stupid people, and definitely no more dumb stunts.

Alison, Tree, Rigs and I (and maybe some other people) are going to see "The Hangover" after school tomorrow. I have to be home way early though; SAT on Saturday morning at Chino HS. I really hope I don't fuck up this test :/ Past scores:
PSAT #1: 1870
PSAT #2: 1950
SAT #1: 2050
SAT #2: to be determined on Saturday morning!

Anyway, I finally hit up Jamie again after almost a year of not talking. I can't believe I let it go for so long, especially when there were moments when all I could think about was, "Shit, I can't believe this just happened. Jamie would so know what I'm talking about and what to do." She's seriously one of the few people in Fullerton who can relate to every single thing I've been through, from drugs to sex to outright backstabs. I'm thinking I'll ask her to come with me to Tiana's glow-in-the-dark party on Saturday night. I just wish we hadn't fallen through, but hopefully things'll get better once we start hanging out again.

I'm thinking mayybee Josh can come over on Sunday morning, so we can study for finals together. He's practically the only guy (other than Haream) whom I actually still make an effort to keep in contact with. People are just so pointless lately; I wish I still felt the need to be social, like nearly every other ladder-climbing person in Fullerton. If only I had the urge.

broken hearts tessellate

I haven't posted in forever. What, like six fucken months? I haven't felt the need lately.

Long story short: I've lost nearly every single person that matters in my life. Aside from family, almost every single one of my close friends is gone, finito, kaput. I can't play the victim and say I don't know what happened because, honestly, I know exactly what I did wrong. But how can you call yourself somebody's best friend when you'd drop them at the tip of a hat? They left when I needed them most, and I fell harder than I've ever fallen before. Not to mention, everything's been going to shit lately anyway. Family, school, friends, social life. There's only one thing I can claim to be proud of: I quit stoges (for real this time) and haven't touched bud for over two months (and I plan on keeping it that way). Oh, and I haven't rolled since Club Dance, which was all the way in fucken March! I can make a new life out of what I have right now; I'm not gonna dwell on stupid things that bring me down.

So I know it may not seem like it, but I’m really happy for Victoria. I know I’ve been like wtfuckenshit in the past, but it’s like what’s the point of me being a killjoy when all she deserves is happiness? I mean, that girl’s been through more than enough to deserve a bit of joy in her life, and who the fuck am I to go and spoil that? I just really hope I can find what I’m looking for like she has.

I can't wait for summer to come. I'm really looking forward to seeing Coldplay at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, and I know EDC is going to live up to my expectations. Uno problemo: HARD Summer and Rock the Bells are on the same effin day, which means I'll have to choose between underground and electro :/

I've decided I wanna get drunk for the very first time during summer. I know that sounds so fucken trashy, but I really think it's an experience that I need to have. And shouldn't I do it with close friends that I trust, rather than at some lame party with a bunch of sketchy strangers? I just hope this summer isn't as lame as my last (which mainly consisted of busting missions for pointless reasons, getting kicked-out for those pointless missions, and pointlessly repeating those same missions, hoping for a better outcome). I'm sure it'll be 100x better, especially since my mom's all Laidback Lucy lately.

I need mending, fixing, repairing, whatever'll help me get over whatever the fuck it is I’m stuck on. I’m done done done a million times over.