I like someone(s) ?
Hmm.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
a spider web and it's me in the middle
I got a yob I got a yob I got a yooobbbb! But I don't start working full hours until July, when I turn 17. Until then, I have to come in for training like how to work the cash register or how to convince customers to buy shit? Idk sounds pretty simple to me but I guess you need training for that. But hey, I still get paid! $8.80 per hour plus a 40% employee discount :]
Sooo it's 8 in the morning and I'm currently in La Habra at Meeeeshell's house on her green little bed. We might go to Club Dance tonight but I don't know anymore since Ana got in trouble and now we have no ride :( It'd be easy to find another one but now I have no urge to go. Plus, I don't want to roll tonight because EDC's less then two weeks away. Argghhhhhhhhhhh.
The Killers are playing at the Hollywood Bowl in September ! I'm gonna camp out for tickets if that's what it takes to go <3
Sooo it's 8 in the morning and I'm currently in La Habra at Meeeeshell's house on her green little bed. We might go to Club Dance tonight but I don't know anymore since Ana got in trouble and now we have no ride :( It'd be easy to find another one but now I have no urge to go. Plus, I don't want to roll tonight because EDC's less then two weeks away. Argghhhhhhhhhhh.
The Killers are playing at the Hollywood Bowl in September ! I'm gonna camp out for tickets if that's what it takes to go <3
Saturday, June 13, 2009
through the storms and the light
I'm sitting in some ballroom at some hotel in Santa Ana, watching my padre DJ some gig for a Sweet Sixteen Party. Or at least he's SUPPOSED to be DJing . . . I've been left manning the table for like two fucken hours already. This is bullshit.
So I applied for this job at this little boutique in downtown Fullerton. I really hope it works out because my funds are going quiiick with EDC and Rock the Bells and HARD and Club Dance and just all the shit that comes with summer :(
There's some electro club in Fullerton tmrw night. I'm thinking maybeeeee? Get mah shuffle on like these bishes:
So I applied for this job at this little boutique in downtown Fullerton. I really hope it works out because my funds are going quiiick with EDC and Rock the Bells and HARD and Club Dance and just all the shit that comes with summer :(
There's some electro club in Fullerton tmrw night. I'm thinking maybeeeee? Get mah shuffle on like these bishes:
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
far more than we can take
Last days of finals tmrw :) I'll probably call Victoria tonight to make plans for tomorrow. I haven't seen that girl in months, and I miss miss miss miss her.
SAT took four hours Saturday morning! But I met some girl named Jazmin from Esperanza and apparently she knows everyone I know there, so at least I wasn't a complete loner the entire time. There was this annoying scene kid in the back who kept making bird noises during the test though; it was so fucken irritating because the proctor kept stopping the test to see who it was, and since she never found out it was him, we just wasted a shitload of test time for no reason. I got home around 2:30pm and knocked out; woke-up at 4pm to make plans. Haream was in town! With Valley Connor to mix at Tiana's thing :) So Bree picked me up at 6:30pm and we got to Yorba Linda around 7pm, but I wrote the wrong house number down on my wrist so we couldn't find the house. Then we drove all the way back to Fullerton to pick up retard Christian and Michael (for a $15 Coldstone giftcard and bud ahaha), then drove baaack to Tiana's and pulled in right behind Connor and Robby and all them. I hadn't planned on drinking, but after a swig of Amanda's Grey Goose, Brayden's Captain Morgan, and three or four beers, I was a gonerrrrrrrrr. Aaand I'm really disappointed in myself because I smoked almost an entire pack of stoges alone, and that was after staying stoge-free for over two months :( The party was chill overall, but the cops coming early was such a bust. I stayed for almost three hours, but I left because I was really bothered over something and it was ruining my entire night. After Tiana's, Bre, Christian, Michael and I went to Andy Nava's and I almost got in a fight with some ugly chola in the bathroom. It was the cherry on top of an already crappy night.
Stayed home all of Sunday to study for finals, but ended up spending most of that time sleeping, eating, and gabbing on the phone. Haream and I had the most overdramatic conversation (mostly on my part) about Saturday, and I decided I just need a break from being friends at all because I'm starting to get retarded about the situation. So no more conversations for awhile, or at least until I can get my mind straight.
I completely failed my Chemistry final yesterday; I spent the last three minutes of the exam bubbling in the remaining 84 problems with random answers. Can you spell f-a-i-l-u-r-e? Religion was easy though, so at least I didn't totally suck at that one. Mom picked me up around 11pm to go to the doctor's for my annual checkup, but I ended up getting all sorts of tests just to be safe. We left the doctor's office at 2pm and on the ride home, we got in a huge fight because Dr. Wong had given me like four months' worth of birth control and my mom's all traditional about sex, so she's like blah blah blah no birth control until you're in a committed relationship. She swears like I haven't been looking for one! It's not that easy, especially with all of the guys in my life being so judgmental and shit. It's like she wants me to pop out grandkids already; I've never heard of anything more ridiculous. Whatever, I'm gonna start taking them anyway. I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Club Dance Dance Dance Traaaance next Tuesday! I'm super excited :D
SAT took four hours Saturday morning! But I met some girl named Jazmin from Esperanza and apparently she knows everyone I know there, so at least I wasn't a complete loner the entire time. There was this annoying scene kid in the back who kept making bird noises during the test though; it was so fucken irritating because the proctor kept stopping the test to see who it was, and since she never found out it was him, we just wasted a shitload of test time for no reason. I got home around 2:30pm and knocked out; woke-up at 4pm to make plans. Haream was in town! With Valley Connor to mix at Tiana's thing :) So Bree picked me up at 6:30pm and we got to Yorba Linda around 7pm, but I wrote the wrong house number down on my wrist so we couldn't find the house. Then we drove all the way back to Fullerton to pick up retard Christian and Michael (for a $15 Coldstone giftcard and bud ahaha), then drove baaack to Tiana's and pulled in right behind Connor and Robby and all them. I hadn't planned on drinking, but after a swig of Amanda's Grey Goose, Brayden's Captain Morgan, and three or four beers, I was a gonerrrrrrrrr. Aaand I'm really disappointed in myself because I smoked almost an entire pack of stoges alone, and that was after staying stoge-free for over two months :( The party was chill overall, but the cops coming early was such a bust. I stayed for almost three hours, but I left because I was really bothered over something and it was ruining my entire night. After Tiana's, Bre, Christian, Michael and I went to Andy Nava's and I almost got in a fight with some ugly chola in the bathroom. It was the cherry on top of an already crappy night.
Stayed home all of Sunday to study for finals, but ended up spending most of that time sleeping, eating, and gabbing on the phone. Haream and I had the most overdramatic conversation (mostly on my part) about Saturday, and I decided I just need a break from being friends at all because I'm starting to get retarded about the situation. So no more conversations for awhile, or at least until I can get my mind straight.
I completely failed my Chemistry final yesterday; I spent the last three minutes of the exam bubbling in the remaining 84 problems with random answers. Can you spell f-a-i-l-u-r-e? Religion was easy though, so at least I didn't totally suck at that one. Mom picked me up around 11pm to go to the doctor's for my annual checkup, but I ended up getting all sorts of tests just to be safe. We left the doctor's office at 2pm and on the ride home, we got in a huge fight because Dr. Wong had given me like four months' worth of birth control and my mom's all traditional about sex, so she's like blah blah blah no birth control until you're in a committed relationship. She swears like I haven't been looking for one! It's not that easy, especially with all of the guys in my life being so judgmental and shit. It's like she wants me to pop out grandkids already; I've never heard of anything more ridiculous. Whatever, I'm gonna start taking them anyway. I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Club Dance Dance Dance Traaaance next Tuesday! I'm super excited :D
Friday, June 5, 2009
when the worrying starts to hurt
Senior Bubble Party today to celebrate our becoming seniors. Whoo.
Thursday market yesterday—stopped by while shopping with Julianne. We ran into Dillon and Brandon and ended up staying with them for most of Market, watching them skate. I talked to Rachel for like a millisecond while she was on top of the parking structure. I thought about going up, but then it was like nahhh what's the point. I called Christian later on though and he told me he looked for me when he'd heard Rachel had seen me, and I felt like I should've gone up anyway because I hadn't seen those kids in weeks.
I talked to my mom this morning, and we both decided that if I stay in tonight to prep for tomorrow's SAT, I can stay out all night on Saturday. That'd be perfect if the GITD party follows through, and even if it doesn't, I still have Illuminate to look forward to :) I still have to hit up Jamie and see if she wants to come to Tiana's. I was talking to Victoria last night when the photoshoot came up, and I decided I really want to do my photoshoot with Jamie. I can't call her though because her phone only has texting, and it'd be beyond awkward for me to call Brandi or Kurt to reach her, so I just asked Victoria to talk to her for me. I hope she'll have time sometime soon.
It's between Tiana's and Illuminate at this point. I mean, the Hudson! How could I pass that up? But I know Haream's gonna be mixing with Connor, and that kid hasn't been down since forever. We talked about it last night, and I told him I might just go to Illuminate instead. It was like wtf so I just asked him to come with me. He said he'd be down to go since he and his friend Michael (a.k.a. the Valley Connor) are splitting driving time from the Valley down to Fullerton, so I have to call him tonight and decide what we want to do. I still think Tiana's would be a better idea because there are gonna be a million raves from now until next year, and I know how rarely he comes down to Fullerton to see everyone. But at the same time, there's gonna be a billion more parties to mix.
Scott called me last night! His number came up and I was just like $#%@^&! I haven't talked to him in months, so it kinda made my night when he called. We only talked for about half an hour though because someone was on the other line, then I had to go eat dinner, then I forgot to call him back :( But I swear I'm gonna make theee hugest effort to see him before he hops on a plane to Korea for the summer. I guess I kinda really do miss last year when Scott, Paul, Lindsay and I were like the Fearsome Foursome. We hung out like everryy fucken weekend; you couldn't find one of us without the others. Things changed so quickly though, and now Scott and I are the only ones who still keep in contact. But it's better to have one than none at all, right?
So I've decided I'm more than relieved that school is over, mostly because I can't fucken stand Rosary. It's such a surprise when I think back, especially since this time last year I was madly in love with the school. I mean, I fucken cried when my mom told me I might have to transfer out. I thought of how it would be to leave Jackie and Lindsay, how I'd have to start all over, and how much I'd miss everyone. Now it's completely different: Jackie and Lindsay aren't even in my life anymore, all I want is a fresh start, and I don't even know what to think about everyone or what everyone thinks about me. I just wish the thought of Rosary and everyone in it didn't make me sick to my stomach, but I guess I did this to myself. I mean, I chose to coop myself up in the lab everyday rather than going down to the table and making an effort to be social. I chose to be a bitch and lose all of my close friends, and I chose to continue being a bitch and pushing all of my other friends away. I only have myself to blame. Next year will be bettter, I swear.
Thursday market yesterday—stopped by while shopping with Julianne. We ran into Dillon and Brandon and ended up staying with them for most of Market, watching them skate. I talked to Rachel for like a millisecond while she was on top of the parking structure. I thought about going up, but then it was like nahhh what's the point. I called Christian later on though and he told me he looked for me when he'd heard Rachel had seen me, and I felt like I should've gone up anyway because I hadn't seen those kids in weeks.
I talked to my mom this morning, and we both decided that if I stay in tonight to prep for tomorrow's SAT, I can stay out all night on Saturday. That'd be perfect if the GITD party follows through, and even if it doesn't, I still have Illuminate to look forward to :) I still have to hit up Jamie and see if she wants to come to Tiana's. I was talking to Victoria last night when the photoshoot came up, and I decided I really want to do my photoshoot with Jamie. I can't call her though because her phone only has texting, and it'd be beyond awkward for me to call Brandi or Kurt to reach her, so I just asked Victoria to talk to her for me. I hope she'll have time sometime soon.
It's between Tiana's and Illuminate at this point. I mean, the Hudson! How could I pass that up? But I know Haream's gonna be mixing with Connor, and that kid hasn't been down since forever. We talked about it last night, and I told him I might just go to Illuminate instead. It was like wtf so I just asked him to come with me. He said he'd be down to go since he and his friend Michael (a.k.a. the Valley Connor) are splitting driving time from the Valley down to Fullerton, so I have to call him tonight and decide what we want to do. I still think Tiana's would be a better idea because there are gonna be a million raves from now until next year, and I know how rarely he comes down to Fullerton to see everyone. But at the same time, there's gonna be a billion more parties to mix.
Scott called me last night! His number came up and I was just like $#%@^&! I haven't talked to him in months, so it kinda made my night when he called. We only talked for about half an hour though because someone was on the other line, then I had to go eat dinner, then I forgot to call him back :( But I swear I'm gonna make theee hugest effort to see him before he hops on a plane to Korea for the summer. I guess I kinda really do miss last year when Scott, Paul, Lindsay and I were like the Fearsome Foursome. We hung out like everryy fucken weekend; you couldn't find one of us without the others. Things changed so quickly though, and now Scott and I are the only ones who still keep in contact. But it's better to have one than none at all, right?
So I've decided I'm more than relieved that school is over, mostly because I can't fucken stand Rosary. It's such a surprise when I think back, especially since this time last year I was madly in love with the school. I mean, I fucken cried when my mom told me I might have to transfer out. I thought of how it would be to leave Jackie and Lindsay, how I'd have to start all over, and how much I'd miss everyone. Now it's completely different: Jackie and Lindsay aren't even in my life anymore, all I want is a fresh start, and I don't even know what to think about everyone or what everyone thinks about me. I just wish the thought of Rosary and everyone in it didn't make me sick to my stomach, but I guess I did this to myself. I mean, I chose to coop myself up in the lab everyday rather than going down to the table and making an effort to be social. I chose to be a bitch and lose all of my close friends, and I chose to continue being a bitch and pushing all of my other friends away. I only have myself to blame. Next year will be bettter, I swear.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
where soul meets body
Thursday. Not much.
I was lying in bed last night thinking about how quickly the school year's gone by, and I can't believe there's literally only six days of school left. Aside from finals, tomorrow is theee last day of class. I really wish I had done a lot of things differently, but what's the point in crying over spilled milk, right? I guess I'll just do next year waayyy better than this year; no more mixing with stupid people, and definitely no more dumb stunts.
Alison, Tree, Rigs and I (and maybe some other people) are going to see "The Hangover" after school tomorrow. I have to be home way early though; SAT on Saturday morning at Chino HS. I really hope I don't fuck up this test :/ Past scores:
PSAT #1: 1870
PSAT #2: 1950
SAT #1: 2050
SAT #2: to be determined on Saturday morning!
Anyway, I finally hit up Jamie again after almost a year of not talking. I can't believe I let it go for so long, especially when there were moments when all I could think about was, "Shit, I can't believe this just happened. Jamie would so know what I'm talking about and what to do." She's seriously one of the few people in Fullerton who can relate to every single thing I've been through, from drugs to sex to outright backstabs. I'm thinking I'll ask her to come with me to Tiana's glow-in-the-dark party on Saturday night. I just wish we hadn't fallen through, but hopefully things'll get better once we start hanging out again.
I'm thinking mayybee Josh can come over on Sunday morning, so we can study for finals together. He's practically the only guy (other than Haream) whom I actually still make an effort to keep in contact with. People are just so pointless lately; I wish I still felt the need to be social, like nearly every other ladder-climbing person in Fullerton. If only I had the urge.
I was lying in bed last night thinking about how quickly the school year's gone by, and I can't believe there's literally only six days of school left. Aside from finals, tomorrow is theee last day of class. I really wish I had done a lot of things differently, but what's the point in crying over spilled milk, right? I guess I'll just do next year waayyy better than this year; no more mixing with stupid people, and definitely no more dumb stunts.
Alison, Tree, Rigs and I (and maybe some other people) are going to see "The Hangover" after school tomorrow. I have to be home way early though; SAT on Saturday morning at Chino HS. I really hope I don't fuck up this test :/ Past scores:
PSAT #1: 1870
PSAT #2: 1950
SAT #1: 2050
SAT #2: to be determined on Saturday morning!
Anyway, I finally hit up Jamie again after almost a year of not talking. I can't believe I let it go for so long, especially when there were moments when all I could think about was, "Shit, I can't believe this just happened. Jamie would so know what I'm talking about and what to do." She's seriously one of the few people in Fullerton who can relate to every single thing I've been through, from drugs to sex to outright backstabs. I'm thinking I'll ask her to come with me to Tiana's glow-in-the-dark party on Saturday night. I just wish we hadn't fallen through, but hopefully things'll get better once we start hanging out again.
I'm thinking mayybee Josh can come over on Sunday morning, so we can study for finals together. He's practically the only guy (other than Haream) whom I actually still make an effort to keep in contact with. People are just so pointless lately; I wish I still felt the need to be social, like nearly every other ladder-climbing person in Fullerton. If only I had the urge.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
broken hearts tessellate
I haven't posted in forever. What, like six fucken months? I haven't felt the need lately.
Long story short: I've lost nearly every single person that matters in my life. Aside from family, almost every single one of my close friends is gone, finito, kaput. I can't play the victim and say I don't know what happened because, honestly, I know exactly what I did wrong. But how can you call yourself somebody's best friend when you'd drop them at the tip of a hat? They left when I needed them most, and I fell harder than I've ever fallen before. Not to mention, everything's been going to shit lately anyway. Family, school, friends, social life. There's only one thing I can claim to be proud of: I quit stoges (for real this time) and haven't touched bud for over two months (and I plan on keeping it that way). Oh, and I haven't rolled since Club Dance, which was all the way in fucken March! I can make a new life out of what I have right now; I'm not gonna dwell on stupid things that bring me down.
So I know it may not seem like it, but I’m really happy for Victoria. I know I’ve been like wtfuckenshit in the past, but it’s like what’s the point of me being a killjoy when all she deserves is happiness? I mean, that girl’s been through more than enough to deserve a bit of joy in her life, and who the fuck am I to go and spoil that? I just really hope I can find what I’m looking for like she has.
I can't wait for summer to come. I'm really looking forward to seeing Coldplay at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, and I know EDC is going to live up to my expectations. Uno problemo: HARD Summer and Rock the Bells are on the same effin day, which means I'll have to choose between underground and electro :/
I've decided I wanna get drunk for the very first time during summer. I know that sounds so fucken trashy, but I really think it's an experience that I need to have. And shouldn't I do it with close friends that I trust, rather than at some lame party with a bunch of sketchy strangers? I just hope this summer isn't as lame as my last (which mainly consisted of busting missions for pointless reasons, getting kicked-out for those pointless missions, and pointlessly repeating those same missions, hoping for a better outcome). I'm sure it'll be 100x better, especially since my mom's all Laidback Lucy lately.
I need mending, fixing, repairing, whatever'll help me get over whatever the fuck it is I’m stuck on. I’m done done done a million times over.
Long story short: I've lost nearly every single person that matters in my life. Aside from family, almost every single one of my close friends is gone, finito, kaput. I can't play the victim and say I don't know what happened because, honestly, I know exactly what I did wrong. But how can you call yourself somebody's best friend when you'd drop them at the tip of a hat? They left when I needed them most, and I fell harder than I've ever fallen before. Not to mention, everything's been going to shit lately anyway. Family, school, friends, social life. There's only one thing I can claim to be proud of: I quit stoges (for real this time) and haven't touched bud for over two months (and I plan on keeping it that way). Oh, and I haven't rolled since Club Dance, which was all the way in fucken March! I can make a new life out of what I have right now; I'm not gonna dwell on stupid things that bring me down.
So I know it may not seem like it, but I’m really happy for Victoria. I know I’ve been like wtfuckenshit in the past, but it’s like what’s the point of me being a killjoy when all she deserves is happiness? I mean, that girl’s been through more than enough to deserve a bit of joy in her life, and who the fuck am I to go and spoil that? I just really hope I can find what I’m looking for like she has.
I can't wait for summer to come. I'm really looking forward to seeing Coldplay at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, and I know EDC is going to live up to my expectations. Uno problemo: HARD Summer and Rock the Bells are on the same effin day, which means I'll have to choose between underground and electro :/
I've decided I wanna get drunk for the very first time during summer. I know that sounds so fucken trashy, but I really think it's an experience that I need to have. And shouldn't I do it with close friends that I trust, rather than at some lame party with a bunch of sketchy strangers? I just hope this summer isn't as lame as my last (which mainly consisted of busting missions for pointless reasons, getting kicked-out for those pointless missions, and pointlessly repeating those same missions, hoping for a better outcome). I'm sure it'll be 100x better, especially since my mom's all Laidback Lucy lately.
I need mending, fixing, repairing, whatever'll help me get over whatever the fuck it is I’m stuck on. I’m done done done a million times over.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
